Sandy's Latest Science Project
by H2Oreo
Summary: Sandy thinks of a new science project by trying to convieve with another species...


Sandy's latest science project  
  
"HONK!" went off the alarm clock of...you guessed it...SpongeBob SquarePants!  
  
"SPRONG!" went up the mattress SpongeBob was snoozing on, flinging him in mid air.  
  
"SPLAT!" went SpongeBob on his big calendar. He peeled off and plopped on the floor. He opened his eyes. It was Sunday.  
  
Gary meowed.  
  
"WHOOPEE!" howled SpongeBob.  
  
"Meow?"  
  
"I don't have to work today, Gary! I have the whole day to do whatever I want!"  
  
"Meow."  
  
"Oh, I know we always have a sundae on Sundays, but I have to get to my things-to-do list."  
  
Gary began to cry.  
  
"Next Sunday, I promise." He pat him on his shell. "In the meantime, have some snail trail mix!" He gave Gary the treats, kissed him on one of his eyeballs, and was out the door.  
  
"Let's see," SpongeBob said, looking at his list. "play with Patrick? No, I did that yesterday. Baby-sit Mr. Krabs' pet worm? No, that's scheduled for Wednesday. Annoy Squidward? No, I'll do that later when he's playing his clarinet."  
  
I wonder what he practices that thing for, anyway, he thought.  
  
"I know!" he said. "I'll go visit Sandy! I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks! I wonder what she's been up to." He put his list in his back pocket. "But first I'll go to the Bargain Mart and pick her up some flowers."  
  
*************  
  
Meanwhile, Sandy was up bright and early walking around Bikini Bottom asking anyone she could find a rather embarrassing question.  
  
"Someone help me conceive!"  
  
(Okay, so she was DEMANDING something rather embarrassing)  
  
She went up to a guy and said, "Sir, please, help me conceive!"  
  
"No way, lady!" the man said, pushing her out of his way. "I'm supporting enough women and children as it is."  
  
"But I don't WANT to be supported! It's for my..." but he wasn't listening. She took a deep breath. Another guy came by.  
  
"Hello, there!" she said. "I need you to help me with my latest project. I need to get pregnant!"  
  
  
  
"Wow!" he said. "I knew you were always crazy, but I didn't know that you were some kind of whore!" and he walked off.  
  
"Oh, the nerve!" she growled. There's GOT to be a way to accomplish this! Perhaps she shouldn't announce that she's TRYING to get pregnant. She snapped her fingers. That's it! She had an idea.  
  
She ran for the Salty Spatoon. The toughest joint in Bikini Bottom. There's bound to be some tough guys in there to want a piece of ass.  
  
She walked in to strut her stuff. She climbed on top of the bar and started swishing her hips and dancing to the music they had playing.  
  
  
  
"How's THIS for ya, boys?" she said, licking her buck teeth seductively.  
  
They all stared at her blankly.  
  
Huh? she thought. She looked down. Oh, duh! Maybe taking off her underwater suit would help! She stripped off the suit, and striked a pose. She flicked her tail.  
  
  
  
Everyone howled, whistled and cheered.  
  
"Who wants me?" she yelled. Everyone cheered again.  
  
*************  
  
"I'll take THAT bunch of flowers, please!" SpongeBob said to the clerk.  
  
The clerk got the bouquet of flowers and handed them to SpongeBob.  
  
"So, who's the lucky one?" he asked SpongeBob sarcastically.  
  
"My good friend Sandy." SpongeBob said proudly.  
  
"FRIEND, huh?" the clerk raised on eyebrow. "Come on, SpongeBob, you've got the hots for that stupid squirrel."  
  
"WHAT?" SpongeBob said, surprised. "Are you kidding me? That's a bunch of barnacles!"  
  
"Say what you want, loverboy." the clerk said, smiling. "Have a nice day."  
  
SpongeBob rolled his eyes and walked out.  
  
DID he like Sandy for more than a friend? It hadn't really occurred to him. Although looking back at most of his memories with Sandy, it was obvious he liked her a lot.  
  
But it just couldn't be! Sandy and SpongeBob? Nah, he was just letting what the clerk said get to him.  
  
He got to Sandy's TreeDome, and knocked on the door. No answer. He put on a water helmet and drained the water in the entrance. He opened the door into the dome.  
  
"Sandy?" he called out.  
  
He heard a distinct sound coming from Sandy's tree. He went a little closer.  
  
It was Sandy. She was groaning. There must be something wrong, he thought. I must go help her!  
  
He dropped the flowers and rushed inside the tree up to Sandy's room. He got to the doorway and saw Sandy naked in her bed...which Reg! The guy from the Salty Spatoon!  
  
"Sandy!" he cried out.  
  
"SpongeBob?!" she shrieked. She reached for the sheets to cover up.  
  
"What's HE doing here?" SpongeBob demanded. "Is he hurting you?"  
  
Before Sandy could answer, SpongeBob hurled himself at Reg.  
  
"Hi ya!!!" he yelled. He landed on Reg and started punching him.  
  
"What's going on?" Reg turned around and flung SpongeBob off of him. "What are YOU doing here, you little runt?"  
  
"Oh, Reg," Sandy began, "I'm so sorry, I..."  
  
"Forget it," Reg said, getting of the bed putting his clothes back on. "the moment has been ruined for me. See you later." and he walked out.  
  
"UGH!" Sandy growled. "So close! SpongeBob, how could you?"  
  
"I don't know Sandy..." he started.  
  
"Haven't you heard of calling first?"  
  
"I just..."  
  
"What's your problem, huh?"  
  
"Sandy, calm down, would you?"  
  
She sneered at him.  
  
"For your information, Reg was here to help me with my science project." she said.  
  
"How could HE have helped you with something like that? Plus whatever that was that I saw didn't look anything like science to me!"  
  
"He was helping me conceive, SpongeBob!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Get pregnant! Have a baby! Reproduce!"  
  
SpongeBob raised an eyebrow.  
  
"With Reg? Gross!"  
  
"Yeah, and thanks to you, I have to go find someone else to sleep with me!"  
  
"But Sandy, I came to visit you. I haven't seen you in a while."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, SpongeBob, can we do this some other time? I've got to get busy." she started getting dressed.  
  
"Wait, Sandy!" he stopped her. "Why can't I help?"  
  
"YOU?" she asked. "No offense, but, I've seen you naked, and it doesn't look like you have any reproductive organs...that I can see, or have any use for, anyway."  
  
"But Sandy, if you just..."  
  
"Look, the point of this project is to see what I can make when I reproduce with another species...and a sponge isn't exactly what I had in mind."  
  
"Just take a moment to see something, will you?"  
  
"Okay, make it quick."  
  
SpongeBob slowly took off his pants, reached into one of his pores between his legs, and pulled out a HUGE yellow dick.  
  
Sandy's eyes grew twice their size. She half smiled.  
  
"Wow, SpongeBob!" she laughed nervously. "You certainly have me fooled! And not to mention quite aroused."  
  
"Still want to go find someone else?" he asked.  
  
"No way!" she answered too quickly and bluntly. She still eyed his package. She was horny. She snapped out of it. "Um, I mean, sure, whatever. Maybe you as my partner will make this project of mine a little more interesting."  
  
She backed up on her bed and laid down. SpongeBob crawled on top of her and put his fingers between her legs.  
  
As much as she liked it, she said, "SpongeBob, remember, you're here as my sperm donor, not my pleasure maker."  
  
SpongeBob smirked. "You ready, then?"  
  
"Yeah." she breathed.  
  
SpongeBob entered himself into her. It was nice and warm. It felt so good as he thrusted in and out of her.  
  
Sandy arched her back and moaned. "Oh, SpongeBob! This is so exhilarating!"  
  
Suddenly there was yelling and a big heap landed on top of SpongeBob, squishing Sandy.  
  
"Get off of her, you big meanie, SpongeBob!" It was Patrick!  
  
"Patrick, what are you doing?" Both Sandy and SpongeBob yelled.  
  
"You were hurting Sandy!" Patrick said, and pushed SpongeBob off Sandy. "Are you okay, Sandy? he asked her.  
  
"I'm fine, Patrick." Sandy snapped. "I just wish I wasn't interrupted every time I get inches close to getting done with my project!!"  
  
"What up her tail?" Patrick whispered to SpongeBob. "Is it another squirrel thing?"  
  
"No, Patrick," SpongeBob said, "it's just something that she..."  
  
"Oh my God, SpongeBob!" Patrick wailed. "What is THAT?" He pointed to SpongeBob's penis.  
  
SpongeBob laughed. "Patrick, my good ol' buddy, that is part of my I'm most proud of."  
  
"Huh?" Patrick drooled.  
  
SpongeBob told Patrick the situation with Sandy.  
  
"Ohh..." Patrick said. "You want to have babies with Sandy?"  
  
"Yes, Patrick," SpongeBob said. "Now get out of here! Go annoy Squidward for me or something so Sandy and I can finish."  
  
"But I wanna have babies with you guys!" Patrick whimpered. "It sounds fun."  
  
Before SpongeBob could answer, Patrick got in the bed with Sandy.  
  
"Hey Sandy! Can I help you make babies, too? Please?" he asked her, jumping on the bed.  
  
"Well, um, I'm not so sure, Patrick..." she made a face.  
  
Patrick ripped off his bermuda shorts and exposed himself to her. He grinned.  
  
Sandy grinned too. She hurled Patrick on his back and sat on top of him. She took his shlong and stuffed it inside her, moving quickly and slick-like.  
  
"Oh, God!" she cried out. All of her fur was standing up.  
  
This was an unfamiliar feeling for Patrick, but he liked it. But as soon as he saw how Sandy was acting, he felt a bit weird.  
  
"SpongeBob, she's scaring me!" he yelled.  
  
"Wait for it!" SpongeBob replied.  
  
All of a sudden Patrick grunted and came into Sandy.  
  
"WOO HOO!" Sandy yelled. "Finally!"  
  
She got off Patrick and rubbed against SpongeBob.  
  
I'm still up for another round, if you still don't mind helping." she cooed to him.  
  
"Ohhh yeeahh." SpongeBob smiled.  
  
*************  
  
(5 months later)  
  
"BAM!" went the doors of the Krusty Krab. Everyone turned to look. It was Sandy, and she was very, VERY pregnant.  
  
"I NEED a Krabby Patty!" she screamed.  
  
She ran up to the counter where Squidward was. She grabbed him by his shirt and started shaking him.  
  
"Give me a Krabby Patty or I'll rip all your tentacles off!" she spit in his face.  
  
"SpongeBob!" cried Squidward. "Krabby Patty! Sandy! Now! Please!"  
  
Oh, crap, thought SpongeBob. Here we go again. He gathered up a Krabby Patty as quickly as he could and rushed through the kitchen door to serve it to her.  
  
She let go of Squidward, who fainted on the cash register, and she went to sit down at a table.  
  
SpongeBob set the plate in front of her. She bent down to sniff it. She snarled.  
  
"What's the matter, Sandy?" SpongeBob cringed to ask.  
  
"It has cheese on it."  
  
"Yes...?"  
  
"HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT I HATE CHEESE?!!" she picked up the plate and threw it across the room. "Give me a Krabby Patty and make it right!!!"  
  
SpongeBob flew in the kitchen and came back out with a Krabby Patty.  
  
He set it in front of her.  
  
She stared at him.  
  
"Anything else?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah," she said. "get me some seahorse radish."  
  
"But Sandy, I don't think..."  
  
"NOW!"  
  
So off he went to grant her wish.. He came back and she snatched the jar from him and poured the whole thing onto the Krabby Patty.  
  
"Uh, Sandy..." he started.  
  
She growled.  
  
SpongeBob back off. He watched her put the whole thing in her mouth at once. Including the plate.  
  
Squidward pulled him aside.  
  
"What is up with her, lately?" he asked. "She's been crazy like this for months! And look at the weight she's gaining!"  
  
"Well Squidward," SpongeBob began, "it all started with her..."  
  
"I heard that!" Sandy said. She marched up to the counter. SpongeBob and Squidward cowered in fear.  
  
"Do you really wanna know why I've been crazy like this for such a long time?" she asked Squidward.  
  
"Y-yeah." Squidward stuttered, standing up.  
  
"Come a little closer, and I'll tell it to ya in your ear." she said.  
  
(Squidward actually had the audacity to get closer to her!)  
  
"BECAUSE I'M FUCKING PREGNANT, YOU NITWIT!!!"  
  
"What in Davey Jones is going on out here?" Mr. Krabs came out of his office. "I can't hear myself countin' me money!"  
  
Then he saw Sandy.  
  
"Aw, well if it isn't me darlin' little air breather!" Mr. Krabs chuckled. "How are ye doin'?"  
  
"I'm great, Mr. K.!" Sandy said. "I just had one of your delicious Krabby Patties!"  
  
"That's wonderful! Just make sure you pay good ol' Mr. Squidward for it! And leave a tip!" he laughed.  
  
"Oh, SpongeBob will take care of it." she said. "I'm off to get Patrick to take me shopping!" and she was out the door.  
  
"So what barnacle-head fertilized her egg?" Squidward asked.  
  
"Funny you should ask that." SpongeBob laughed nervously.  
  
"What's so funny about it?"  
  
"Because it was me...and Patrick."  
  
"Oh! Squidward groaned. "Can I go hurl my guts out now?"  
  
"I say, go SpongeBob!" Mr. Krabs raised a claw. "Ye finally did the dirty deed!" he chuckled.  
  
"Yup, indeed I did." SpongeBob said with pride. "Nobody rocked her world like I did...except maybe Patrick!" he laughed.  
  
Squidward ran into the bathroom.  
  
*************  
  
(day of labor)  
  
Sandy lifted Patrick's rock and woke him up.  
  
"Patrick!" she yelled.  
  
"Huh?" Patrick said sleepily and fell into his house.  
  
"I need to go shopping again." she said. "It calms my nerves."  
  
"Sandy, please, I haven't had that much sleep these past several months! Can we do it later?"  
  
"You're complaining about not having enough SLEEP? Let me tell you something! I wake up everyday VOMITING, then I have to deal with stomachaches and this LIVING THING SITTING on my BLADDER, I have to freakin' pee all the time, I have to have all my cravings satisfied or I'll literally KILL something and THEN..."  
  
She stopped. She made a face.  
  
"What's wrong, Sandy?" Patrick asked.  
  
"My water just broke." she whimpered.  
  
"Oh." Patrick said. "I thought you were gonna say that you were going to have the baby."  
  
"Patrick, get SpongeBob now!"  
  
"Oh, well, if you need something to eat I've got ice cream right..."  
  
"I need SpongeBob! I need to get to the hospital quick!"  
  
Patrick just sat there.  
  
"AH!" She screamed The first shock of pain hit her. Ugh, forget Patrick, she thought. She waddled her way to SpongeBob's house, the pains hit her hard.  
  
She started banging on SpongeBob's door.  
  
"SpongeBob!" she cried out. "Open up!"  
  
SpongeBob answered the door in his underwear, rubbing his eyes. "Sandy?"  
  
"Call an ambulance! I'm going into labor!"  
  
"NOW?" (THAT woke him up) He jumped and ran to the phone and called an ambulance. Within 10 minutes (which is long time when you're in labor) the ambulance showed up and hauled Sandy in the ambulance. SpongeBob got in with her and held her hand.  
  
"Just breathe in and out." he said.  
  
So sandy started doing the hee-hee-ho-hee-hee procedure and they were at the hospital soon.  
  
While the doctors and nurses were getting Sandy ready, SpongeBob was getting ready as well, putting on his mask and whatnot.  
  
He went in the room and they had her up in the stirrups. She was still breathing good.  
  
SpongeBob went up to her and held her hand.  
  
"Are you ready for this?" he asked.  
  
"Do I really have a choice?" she snapped.  
  
The doctor came to her.  
  
"Miss Cheeks, would you like some drugs to ease the pain of this process here?" he asked.  
  
"No, I want to have natural childbirth, it's...it's part of my science project." she said.  
  
"Okee dokee then." the doctor said, and went to the end of the bed. "Just keep breathing, Miss Cheeks, you're doing fine."  
  
The first contraction hit. Sandy screamed.  
  
"Push, honey." the doctor said.  
  
"UGH!!!" she grunted, and squeezed SpongeBob's hands until his fingers broke.  
  
"OW! OW! OW! Holy shit, Sandy!" yelled SpongeBob.  
  
"Keep pushing," the doctor said, "you're doing good."  
  
Sandy kept pushing, the pain was excruciating.  
  
"I don't wanna push anymore!" she wheezed. She started crying.  
  
"But Sandy, your project!" SpongeBob reminded her. "You can't stop now!"  
  
"Forget my stupid project!" she yelled. "This just isn't worth it!"  
  
"Something's coming out!" the doctor yelled. "Come one, push just a little more!"  
  
So Sandy looked at SpongeBob with glazed eyes, and he looked at her and smiled comfortingly. She shut her eyes and pushed as hard as she could.  
  
"AAHH!!!" she screamed.  
  
  
  
"Yay!" all the nurses cheered. The baby was out.  
  
Sandy sighed.  
  
SpongeBob went to the doctor, who was frozen solid, looking at the "creation" Sandy, Patrick and SpongeBob have made.  
  
The doctor put it in SpongeBob's arms. And he looked at it. It was a sponge, like him, with arms, legs, and a cone head, like Patrick, and a fluffy tail and ears like Sandy. It was bizarre, but so beautiful.  
  
He brought it to Sandy, She smiled. SpongeBob leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
"I love you, Sandy." he said.  
  
All of a sudden the doctor and the nurses were freaking out.  
  
"Hurry!" the doctor yelled. "She's losing too much blood!"  
  
SpongeBob didn't know what was going on. He looked around to see what he could do, if anything, but he was holding the baby.  
  
Then he heard that awful sound. That long, annoying, blank sound. He looked up at the screen and the line was straight.  
  
Sandy had died.  
  
"NOOO!!!" he screamed. He held his hand up to the screen and pounded it. "WHY? WHY? WHY??!!"  
  
A nurse came up to SpongeBob.  
  
"I'll take the baby off your hands to have it cleaned up, okay?" she said.  
  
SpongeBob gave her the baby and went up to Sandy. He started crying. This couldn't be, he thought. I must be dreaming! But he wasn't. There laid Sandy, ever so peacefully. He took her hand, kissed it, and walked out of the room.  
  
*************  
  
(3 years later)  
  
Patrick burst through the doors of the Krusty Krab.  
  
"SpongeBob!" he shrieked. "I can't find out son!"  
  
"What?!" SpongeBob freaked.  
  
Patrick ran through the restaurant looking under tables, and SpongeBob saw a giggling lump in the back of Patrick's shorts.  
  
SpongeBob started laughing.  
  
"He's hiding in your shorts, Pat!" he said.  
  
Patrick turned around. "Oh, there you are!" He took the baby out and put it on the floor.  
  
"Daddy!" he hugged Patrick. Then he turned to SpongeBob.   
  
"Daddy!" he cried, running into SpongeBob's arms.  
  
SpongeBob overheard Squidward scoff at the counter.  
  
"Aw, don't be jealous, Squidward!" he said, and turned to his son. "Go give Squidward a big hug now!"  
  
"Uncle Squid!" he held out his arms to give Squidward a hug.  
  
"Don't come near me, you little runt!" Squidward said.  
  
"Well, my shift's over anyway." SpongeBob said. "Come on, guys."  
  
SpongeBob took his son's hand, Patrick took the other hand.  
  
"Let's go home, Andy Pat SquarePants."  
  
THE END 


End file.
